Friday, March 25, 2011

What If?

I have pet topics of ruminiation.  Like all the little boys I had crushes on growing up.  I can still remember all of their names.  Starting in kindergarden: Christopher, Jason, Thomas, Chris, Joe, Adam, Adam again, Andy, Andy again, Jeremy, Josh, and by 11th grade I went on a few (like 3) dates.

I sometimes wonder where I'd be, what I'd be doing, and how content I'd be if I'd never met Alex.  I wonder if I'd still be living near Atlanta.  If I'd still be teaching middle school.  If I would have bought a home.  Who my friends would be.  What I'd do with my summers-- full of promise, and also full of weddings.  I think about awesome women who are living their lives on purpose as single women.  There are all that and a bag of chips.  It would be condescending of me to say "all they need is a husband and they'd be set," but I still want that for them because it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone, and I sure need someone.  So I wonder how I'd feel if I was in that situation, where society tells women to be both independent (the shoes on my feet, I bought it) and how to snag Mr. Right so that our Pottery Barn inspired fantasies will be realized.  Monogrammed towels.  Place settings.  Crib bumpers.  All that 'married lady' stuff.

I know for sure that being married to Alex and us being parents to Jeremiah and Sarah are absolutely God's will and his blessing on our lives.  I have three mental snapshots of my life's highlight reel thus far: smiling from ear-to-ear as I walked down the aisle, holding Jeremiah for the first time, and exclaiming "Sarah!" as she decided it was time to be born, with or without a doctor to guide her entrance into the world.

Family life is a lot more sacrifical than I could have imagined.  These baby years feel like an anti-selfisness boot camp punctated by some wonderful times of discovery and laughter. 

I'm not sure if this all ties together in print, but to me, all of this is to say, God gives us exactly what and who we need, when it is for our benefit, and even for our training, and I'm just grateful for what I've been given.  May I cradle these blessings with open hands. 

And that's all I have to say about that.

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