Friday, November 15, 2013

Thoughts from My Recent Hallmark Christmas Movie Binge

I've got reviews of "A Very Married Christmas", "Baby's First Christmas" and "A Very Merry Mix-Up" to add to my authorative look at MFTCM. For now, let these musings inspire you to select a better class of Christmas movie.

Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from Made for TV Christmas Movies:

10. If you are single and someone starts calling you by your first and last name and punches your arm, fellas, watch out. Might be love.

9. If you find yourself with an attractive, bubbly stranger: in a jail, a hospital, with a stray dog, handcuffed to the passenger's seat, or under an assumed identity, watch out. Might be love.

8. If said person loves: antiques, vintage clothing, his/her grandma, his/her grandpa, is estranged from his/her parent(s), is close to his/her parent(s), again. A Christmas love miracle is unfolding before your very eyes.

7. If you have two incredibly handsome suitors vying for your affections, you have a fabulous sense of style, and you are both a strong, capable woman while maintaining a childlike vulnerability just below the surface; girl, you already gone.

6. God/Santa/Fate brings a a lost treasure back into your life: a love note, a handmade clock that stops ticking the minute you first met your amore, your wedding ring you threw away... TRUE LOVE. "True love begins in eternity." You can quote a Very Merry Mix-Up on that.

5. You are dating a plastic dude who wants to remake your life, sell your business, tells his friends you do what he says; just wait. Mr. Wonderful's about to enter, stage right. He's hot and he makes furniture with his own.two.hands. Or rediscovers his benevolent heart. Or rocks a baby. Whatevs. He's perfect.

4. There are no "accidents". Spending the weekend with a family you think is your intended's and instead finding out your new family are not home and hearth people? Hitting an old lady with a swinging door and losing her dog? You are on your way to a job promotion, a home saved for foreclosure, and rediscovering yourself in one fell swoop.

3. It only takes from Thanksgiving to Christmas to change your whole life. Love everlasting? Handled. In 6 weeks or your money back. (Thanks, Lara.)

2. Be with someone who makes you better. Especially if a doorman/police officer/minister/voice of wisdom reminds you that every moment running from the one you love is wasted. (True.)

1. Christmas is magical. Because Faith, Hope and Love are real.

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